Sunday, October 2, 2011

The Social Network

Space Book, My Face, Twitzer, LinkedUp, UrSquare, Gadzooski...... How is it humanly possible to keep track of all the noise?  Hell, just trying to remember all the passwords & what I had for lunch yesterday is challenge enuf for me! (BTW, it was Gus's finger lickin good World Famous Fried Chicken & a break in the BBQ tour)  Now i'm not saying all this social media isn't really good stuff......  I mean how could we possibly live without Google Search?  I do remember those days of course....ahhhhhh..... the Encyclopedia Britannica, 8 track tapes & vinyl 2.....  I like to call that time BG (Before Google).  Sometime today ask someone relatively young (& use your IPhone & Twitter them by all means) about the calendar terms BC & AD and see if they can come up with Before Christ & After Death.    Now when you go into Bar Dog on trivia night everyone is checking out the competition for IPhones.  "Hey, I'm just texting my sister"!

Yep!  That's about me.......You?
Let me give two cents worth of free advice I have learned through personal I mean extensive scientific research.....never & I mean NEVER click on an ad on FaceBook. Eventually, maybe even instantaneously, you will regret it like the Wedding Chapel in Vegas!  FaceBook is damn good!  They have your complete profile which you have so generously given them & everyone tracks your 'cookies'.  What do they do?  They serve you ads that are behaviorally targeted & incredibly hard to resist sometimes..... particularly if they catch you at a weak moment.  I'm a marketing executive and they still catch me from time to time.  How then does a mere civilian resist??? One such moment came a few months ago.  I still own that house near the beach in New Jersey and I pay too damn much for the pleasure.  There it was, the temptress, on the right rail:  See what you'll pay in only seconds at the lowest rate in years, just 3.75%, click here.  So after only a slight pause of hesitation I clicked through & supplied the information on the property.  Within 2 seconds of the time I hit the send button, my phone began to ring incessantly.  My e-mail box was bombarded.  I wasn't just seeing what I might pay at all.  I was farmed out like a greased pig across the Internet landscape via & literally contacted by over 30 different 'institutions'.  I don't know about you but I don't handle that kind of stalking very well and it took quite a bit of doing to undo that unfortunate click.  I felt like a sad little sea lion swimming amongst the killer whales.  If you indeed need a loan, the Internet is probably not the best place to search one out.  Seek out a local lender & go from there.  (SteeeeeeeeeRike 1)

Remember the old adage.....there is no such thing as a free lunch.  It's actually true!  There still isn't!  If you are lucky enough to be 'randomly' selected with a pop-up as the 600th person of the day and You have Won a FREE IPad 2......(You'll just have to trust me on this).....You have not! (SteeeeeeeeeRike 2)
It's just lucky for me that I recently received an e-mail from a Ugandan foreign minister who is willing to deposit millions of dollars into my bank account & all for just a small handling I'll be able to buy
IPad 3's for all my FB friends anyway.....just as soon as the check clears!

As you may or may not be aware, I am currently single.  I enjoy work, golf, reading tennis & women....& not in that order.  It's been sometime since I've dated and because I've heard &........been encouraged to do so....why not check out Internet Dating?  I had resisted to this point.  I'm kind of old fashioned after all but then there it was....a weak moment......& on the right rail!
Before I knew it I had clicked thru (for research purposes naturally) & supplied all the pertinent information.  The dye was cast!  Immediately I was fed to hungry wolves like a slow red fox!  My God....There are Plenty of Fish in the Sea.  I must have gotten at least 10 hits in the first 30 seconds!  What......Do these women live on the internet and my God....wouldn't it be helpful to at least have all your teeth in the profile pic???   Once I had realized the sheer madness of it all, I tried to reverse the process.  Let me tell you this.  It's easy in...... not so easy out....especially when PANIC sets in!  It must have taken me nearly 40 minutes to figure the 'out'.  The subsequent nightmares were not worth the 'research' & there was a short time that I even considered becoming a Tibetan Monk. (Foouullll Tip)  Facebook is so damn good.  It can even target several of my likes at the same time.  Meet Young Women Who Like to Play Golf......  Yikes!

OK....Maybe FB wasn't the best place to start with Internet dating.....apparently more research was needed! I decided to give Zoosk a try.  Zoosk, self described, makes 2 assumptions - First; everyone wants to play.  Second; everyone wants to be a Zoosker, after all, life is a game and finding love is one of it's biggest challenges.  Don't bother accepting the logic.  Get on with the game & the madness! Hey, I didn't make that up.  It came straight from Google!  Zoosk seemed like a good second start for me, after all I liked the girl in the commercial.  Unfortunately the girl in the commercial is no where to be found or available on the Zoosk site!  Also, Zoosk and I got off to a shaky start.  Once I activated my 'membership, I found that I was ranked 13,767,542.  Hell, that's no real confidence builder and come on.... at least throw me a bone know, put me in the middle of the pack somewhere in the 6 mil level anyway.   Activity is the barometer though and sure enough, all it takes is a few 'winks' from the other side and you are there.  Sure enough, in less than a week, I was able to shave that 13 mil right in half without really trying.....Oh Yea!!!  Alas, whatever scientific mumbo jumbo gumbo matching formula Zoosk uses wasn't working for me because that gal in the commercial.....she never did materialize!  Also, neither of Zoosk's two major premises worked for me because I didn't want to play nor, as wonderful as it may have sounded, was I cut out to be a 'Zoosker'!
1 in 5 relationships start online (& end there too!)
(SteeeeeeeeRike 3)

While I am not totally ruling out continued & escalated research in this area with a move toward paid and affluent sites like  I think, for now, I'll stick to a more traditional approach like networking,  mixers and basket weaving!  There's no telling who's out there across the 'net'.......                                                                            a yankee in Memphis

How's your day?  Apparently, a recent study on Twitter usage by Cornell scientists found that people start their day off in a good mood,  it decreases from there & improves once work ends.  People were also happier on the weekends.  They found all this out in 140 characters or less (& for several million dollars of course).  My independent research, over a 4Square 'check in' at Cozy's BBQ, confirmed the same thing....& for a lot less!